Written by Rob Stimpson
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Friday, 26 November 2010

It has been revealed that Arsenal manager Arsene Wenger was this week given unrivalled access in to the life of an Arsenal season ticket holder who verbally abused him from the stands throughout the second half of his teams shock defeat to Champions League favourites Spurs.

It is believed that a club insider tracked down the name and address of the fan (Gaz McGeezer) and handed it to Mr. Wenger, who has proceeded to track the fan down and follow him around for the day, verbally insulting him and criticising his decision making skills.

The day started badly for Mr. McGeezer, who has recently had his wife leave him, taking their children with him. As such he was late waking up in the morning, and as he left his house Mr. Wenger jumped out of his car and started shouting "WHERE'S YOUR WIFE? WHERE'S YOUR WIFE YOU FAT W*NKER?!" Mr. McGeezer looked on in a stunned silence, before Mr. Wenger continued "WHERE'S YOUR KIDS YOU STUPID C*NT? WHERE'S YOUR F*CKING KIDS?", before singing "GOT NO WIFE, GOT NO KIDS, GOT NO WIFE, GOT NO KIDS!" clapping along and smiling.

Mr. McGeezer, a mechanic, then arrived at work to begin his day. Mr. Wenger took up a seat in the corner of the garage and monitored Mr. McGeezer's movements closely. The morning dragged, with little action, so Mr. Wenger was forced to just shout out the occasional "W*NKER" or "YOU'RE SH*T, McGEEZER!" After every outburst Mr. Wenger would smile broadly to himself at a job well done.

In the afternoon a customer pulled into the garage claiming that Mr. McGeezer hadn't done a satisfactory job on her brakes. A delighted Mr. Wenger jumped up and started singing "YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING, YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE DOING", all the while making every hand gesture under the sun. When Mr. McGeezer approached his work colleagues they distanced themselves from his shoddy work, causing Mr. Wenger to bellow "YOUR SUPPORT IS F*CKING SH*T!!"

After correcting his mistake, the customer drove off to the echoes of "WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY, WHAT A WASTE OF MONEY!" emanating from Mr. Wenger's throat. Mr. Wenger then threw a coin at Mr. McGeezer's head, dropping him to the floor with a gaping cut on his head. As work colleagues came to Mr. McGeezer's aid, Mr Wenger let off a red flare and held it aloft triumphantly before pointing at Mr. McGeezer and making a cut throat gesture. A mentally exhausted Mr McGeezer finally asked, "Why are you doing this?", to which Mr. Wenger replied, "it's all part of the game sunshine, innit."

Make Rob Stimpson's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 plus 5?

9 16 5 8
58 readers are online right now!

Go to top