Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 24 November 2010

image for Champions League - Rangers Surrender Like Lambs To Composed Manchester United
Rangers Fan Uniform - You Wouldn't See That At Old Trafford.

Ibrox - Wednesday November 24th - Champions League - It looked like Rangers weren't really up for a football match, as they kicked off this fixture packing their defence, and almost coming unstuck early doors.

Penalty appeals from Berbatov and Nani were denied by the referee, despite TV replays showing that Berbatov was clearly brought down in the box, and Nani was left with a bloodied mouth from a 'no foul' incident.

As the Rangers hordes in the stands bizarrely sang 'Rule Britannia' their team settled back behind the ball and looked more interested in not losing than in any kind of victory.

With Scholes directing play from midfield, United tried to break the biggest rearguard action since Rourke's Drift.

And that was pretty much the format for the rest of the game - a game which Rangers had to win to stand any chance of staying in contention for the CL.

But they looked too scared to even give it a go.

Rooney hit the Rangers bar with a header on 39 minutes, and in a rare forward foray into the visitors' half, Miller fired straight at Van Der Saar, when pulling it back would have been a better option.

0-0 at half time.

The rest was all pretty much United trying to break down a packed Rangers defence - that's Manchester United, the club originally founded as Newton Heath LYR by Irish immigrants, a bit like Glasgow Celtic really - maybe that's why Manchester United aren't very popular in the blue parts of Glasgow.

The Gers think that somehow United are Celtic in disguise and cursing their very British team with a papal hex.

Which eventually came to pass as Fabio stooped to head in a cross, only to be viciously booted in the face by Naismith, who was yellow carded for his dedication to the cause.

Rooney converted the spot kick.

1-0 United.

Rangers thought about advancing into the United half on 90 minutes, but by that time it was a case of too little too late.

Bye bye and cheerio Rangers.

We leave the last word with United fan, Jarbo the Killer, who was at the game. He asked us via mobile phone:

"What's a Fenian bastard then? They keep calling me that. Don't ask me why. It's shit here. We never have this trouble at Celtic."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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