On the eve of tonight's "Battle of Britain" between Man Utd and Rangers there was a shock surprise for Wayne Rooney.
Sir Alex Ferguson was planning to play Rooney tonight hoping he would explode back into form and blast Rangers off of the Ibrox park single-handed.
His plans had a slight setback when United's luxury coach entered the border crossing between Sassenach land and Scotland.
A Scottish customs team boarded the coach to inspect the players passports (?) and discovered that Rooney had forgotten his passport.
Rooney was elevated out of the coach and told without a passport the Scouse Sassenach would not be entering Bonny Scotland, no way.
Sir Alex raging at this obvious ploy to keep Rooney off of the park, threw his Scottish passport (?) on the ground and stamped on it calling the customs officers a bunch of "f+++++g heathen Glaswegian morons"!
Rooney rung up his missus Coleen, hoping she wasn't too busy at a beauty farm, shopping at Harrods or jetting off to their mansion in the Bahamas and ordered her to jump in their brand new $250K Ferrari and rush for the border.
The United bus continued without their superstar and Rooney was invited in by the customs officers for a quick cuppa and a wee dram until Coleen showed up with his passport.
Rooney was overheard whispering, "I didn't wanna f+++++g play anyway, I'm much too good for United, Real Madrid give me a f+++++g buzz please," and then stamped his feet Ronaldo style!