Eagles QB Michael Vick has been named the National Pet Store (NPS) NFL player of the week, after his brilliant 6-touchdown performance against the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football.
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"This award is given every week to the NFL player who played at a enegry level seen only in dogs fed products purchased from the NPS," said Cameron Chase, director of overpricing for NPS. "The irony of giving this award to a man who has sent dozens of customers to their mass-graves is not lost on us."
Vick passed for 333 yards and four touchdowns in the first quarter of his record-setting performance during the Eagles' 59-28 win over the Washington Redskins on Monday Night Football.
"It was like watching someone play a videogame," said Redskins' head coach Mike Shanahan. "Remember in Madden '08 on Xbox360, when you could take a player, boost his rating points all up to '99', and then trade him to, say, the Titans to get a bunch of draft picks and Albert Haynesworth, and then you could go back in, lower all his rating points down to '40', and then re-trade for him, giving up like one 4th round pick, and then boosting him back up to '99', which you could do as many times as you wanted, unless you were in career mode and had the salary cap on? Vick played like the guy set at '99'."
"Too bad it was on Monday Night Football, I'm sure everyone had it on 'mute'," quipped Vick, reminding viewers that no one can listen to Mike Tirico and Ron Jaworski for more than a short while without poking themselves in the eardrum.
Shanahan is on the hotseat in Washington after ruining his team's karma by implying that Skins' QB Donovan McNabb was too black to run his complex offense, am assertion Shanahan flatly denies.
"I don't hate him because he's black," said Shanahan. "I hate him because he can't throw two accurate passes in a row. And his blackness."