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Monday, 15 November 2010

image for Giants WR Ramses Barden Suffers (Non-Gunshot Related) Plaxico Burress-Type Leg Injury.
How Ramses Barden really injured his leg.

6'6" Wide Receiver Ramses Barden, whose whopping 64 receiving yards is the 244,524th most in NFL history, is lost for the year with a leg fracture that senile head coach Ton Coughlin characterized at a Plaxico Burress-type injury.

Reporters were quick to remind dough-headed Coughlin that Burress' last leg injury came at the expense of one 9mm. round fired from Burress' Glock.

"Plaxico who, now?" Coughlin asked.

In November, 2008, Burress was forced to draw his weapon and fire at the leg, who started an altercation in a New York nightclub, reportedly about uncomfortable underpants.

"Burress, while attempting to put the leg into custody, drew his weapon and ordered the leg to lie on the floor. When the leg failed to comply, Burress fired once, striking it mid-thigh," said police spokesperson Frank Serpico, who knows a thing or two about getting shot by authorities.

"The biggest problem this year is going to be replacing Barden," said Coughlin, before reminding everyone in the room just how sad it is when older men become incontinent. "We really don't have anyone left to play second base, or kick touchdowns."

This morning, Coughlin announced that he will round out the Giants' receiving corps with inept punter Matt Dodge, 328 pound tackle David Diehl, assistant equipment manager Tim Slaman, and former Giants WR Kyle Rote, who retired in 1961 and died in 2002 at age 84.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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