Written by Abel Rodriguez
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Monday, 15 November 2010

image for The Dallas Cowboys Under Their New Head Coach Jason Garrett Defeat The (6-2) New York Giants 33-20
Jason Garrett says that he will insist that the Cowboy cheerleaders keep 90 yards away from the team's bench.

EAST RUTHERFORD, New Jersey - Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones finally had something to smile about after weeks and weeks of wearing what appeared to be a painted on frown.

His (1-7) team led by new head coach Jason Garrett defeated the highly favored (6-2) New York Giants 33-20 behind the three touchdown passes of 57-year-old old Jon Kitna.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: Kitna is actually 38 although for several weeks prior to the Giants game he looked, felt, and acted like he was a 57-year-old quarterback.]

Coach Garrett was asked what he attributed his team's amazing victory to and Jason, being the quiet, serious, and good natured guy that he is simply said, "Well, I guess we won cause we had the higher score."

After Cowboys receiver and ex-boyfriend of Kim Kardashian, Miles Austin stopped laughing Garrett was asked if he had told his team anything special during practice that seemed to get them fired up.

Garrett grinned and said that he did tell them that if they did not beat the Giants they were not going to be allowed to shower after the game.

When asked if that wasn't kind of a drastic statement to make the Cowboys coach laughed and said that it was a whole lot better than his first choice and that was that if the team lost they would be returning back to Dallas on two New Jersey leased school busses.

Garrett was asked what he plans to tell his team this week to inspire them for their next game against the Detroit Lions, who possess the same identical record as the Cowboys (2-7).

The coach paused for a moment. Took a bite of his hot dog and said that if they do not beat the Lions he is planning on replacing the team's Gatorade with diet prune juice and making them play intra-squad games without their helmets.

SIDENOTE: Jason Garrett says that one thing that he will insist whenever his team plays in Cowboy Stadium is that the Dallas Cowboys cheerleaders stay at least 90 yards away from the team bench so that his players will stop their past practice of ogling the gorgeously sexy gals and 'patting them down' like they (the players) are airport security inspectors.

Make Abel Rodriguez's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 1?

8 3 2 23
49 readers are online right now!

Go to top