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Tuesday, 9 November 2010

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Possible OSU Schedule Change

Gene Smith, the million dollar plus a year Athletic Director at The Ohio State University in Columbus, Ohio, stated in a meeting of Athletic Department Benefactors held in the new Longaberger Alumni House, that his staff had submitted a possible alteration to the 2011 football schedule.

"I was skeptical at first," Smith stated, "but the more I thought about it the more sense it made. I discussed it with Dr. Gee (Dr. E. Gordon Gee, million dollar plus President of the University) and we agreed that the plan had possibilities."

"We are considering only playing the first two games on the 2011 schedule. Our rationale being that we jumped up in the BCS polls by not playing, so if we are able to jump up in the standings by not playing, by the end of the season we should be Number 1. Instead of 12 games, we only play 2. It makes sense to me. It will cut down on revenue by not playing, but the ADB has indicated that they will make up any lost revenue due to no games."

The Budweiser Brewery, located in the capital city, and MSS, a silk screen company who manufacturers and sells all of the licensed merchandise in and around the university, immediately raised a protest against the pending change.

MSS spokersperson for Michigan Silk Screen, Bo Bruce stated, "We depend on those weekends to sell our merchandise. We have recently hired a lot of layed off GM employees, and this loss is going to mean another layoff for them."

Tress Busch, Budweiser Plant Manager, chimed in, "That will certainly cut down on our production schedule during those Fall months, that weekend crowd at OSU drank a lot of beer. Hell, if they can't win, get a new coach. Art has straightened out, get him on the staff. He said the he would bet that he could turn the program around."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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