Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 6 November 2010

image for Exclusive - Wayne Rooney Will Never Play For Manchester United Again
Erm..Erm...an dat. Dunno mate.

As Wayne Rooney jets off to Nike HQ in the USA, as opposed to training hard for Wednesday's Manchester derby, sources state that he will never pull on the famous old red shirt of Manchester United again.

It is being reported in certain 'informed' quarters that Rooney's refusal to sign a new contract, and his subsequent statement that the club lack ambition provided the final straw as far as the Old Trafford heirarchy are concerned.

Skoob Sports News couldn't find anybody influential within the Old Trafford heirarchy who was willing to speak to us, so we went to the bar in Stretford Sports Centre, quite close to Old Trafford (parking available on match days) and spoke to long time United source, Jarbo The Killer.

Initially, Jarbo didn't seem too pleased to see us, but his mood mellowed after about a dozen double brandies, and his tongue loosened. Eventually, he said:

"He'll never play for United again. You mark my words. This £250,000 a week deal, right - it's all smoke and mirrors. He disrespected the club and the fans, and we'll never forgive that. The fact that he's a bin dipper doesn't help. Anyway - right - he's been crap recently. That new contract just ups the asking price - although I don't know who'd want to buy him now anyway. Maybe Madrid - they're so dumb over there that they really would buy a virus. Know what I mean?"

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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