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Friday, 5 November 2010

image for Oregon cat houses batten down the hatches at Rooney 'conditioning training' arrival
Roads, highways 'and local dirt tracks' to neighboring Nevada brothels will all be shut down in an emergency clean-up

Nike Town, Oregon - (Offside Mess): It's Man U's equivalent of Coleen's recent Lourdes trip to pray for a nuptial miracle from the Virgin.

And it will see wayward striker Wayne Rooney put through his paces in an aversion therapy week to restore a hooker-soiled image.

Preparations in the sporting town are said to center on the immediate closure of all brothels within a 250 mile hooker exclusion zone.

Oregon State Highways Department sources said today the measures include the emergency shutdown of all roads 'and dirt tracks' to neighboring Nevada - where cat houses flourish under a legal loophole.

Wayne will instead hunker down in the therapeutic sports complex's supervision dorm which will monitor all his nocturnal emissions with vigor.

Mancunian hooker Helen Thompson is 69.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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