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Wednesday, 3 November 2010

image for Michael Vick Declares Himself Fit as a Dogfighting Rottweiller, In Preparation for His Upcoming Loss To Indianapolis This Sunday.

The Philadelphia Eagles starting quarterback, Kevin Kolb, wait, no... Michael Vick, then Kevin Kolb, then Michael Vick, says he is as fit as a Rottweiller in a dogfight, and is ready to get to The Linc, where Peyton Manning's Indianapolis Colts will beat the sh-t out of the Eagles this Sunday.

"That bye week worked wonders for me," said Vick during practice on Wednesday. "I feel stronger than I did after my first Aryan Nation beatdown in prison."

Vick, who injured his hold-a-dog-underwater-until-it's-dead Muscle during the Eagles loss to the Redskins, feels that, while the Eagles will certainly lose to the Colts, the score will be close.

"I mean, Peyton Manning is our daddy," said Vick, while firing bullet pass after bullet pass at the testicles of a golden retriever on the practice field. "The Eagles have never beaten Peyton Manning, ever. I mean, sh-t, Manning has a 132.3 career passer rating against this team, his highest QB rating against any NFL team. Ever."

"However, I am sure that we'll hook up for at least one touchdown before DeSean Jackson suffers his concussion-of-the-week," continued Vick, who, during this interview, ordered his Chinese food lunch without his favorite ingredient, beagle meat. "So, we might only lose by 14 or 21 points, which is almost like a win. Kinda."

After Sunday's game, Vick hopes to remain in good health, and start at quarterback during upcoming losses to the hopefully-McNabbless Redskins, New York Giants and Chicago Bears.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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