Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Jerry Jones Apologizes To The Dallas Fans For The Cowboys (1-6) Record: "Hell If It'll Help I'll Start Dating Jessica Simpson!"
Jessica Simpson after she heard that the Cowboys lost again and are now (1-6).

DALLAS - The owner of the Dallas Cowboys Jerry Jones stood before the sports media after the game and stated that he is embarrassed, ashamed, and constipated at the way his team is playing.

The Cowboys lost to the Jacksonville Jaguars 35-17 and Jones said that he wanted to apologize to every male, female, and child fan. But he did stress that he would not be issuing any refunds as thousands have asked about.

The Texas billionaire went on to say that he is tired of losing just about as much as he is tired of hearing the jokes about him having had plastic surgery to make him look younger than his 94 years.

When asked if he plans on firing the head coach Wade Phillips, he shrugged his shoulders and turned the question around. "Would firing the Captain of the Titanic after the ship hit the effen iceberg have made any friggin difference?"

A collective "What?" was heard from the dozens of sports writers and reporters.

A reporter for The Lake Charles Bayou Cajun asked if maybe the fact that Jones started off the season with a somewhat cocky personality saying that his Cowboys were going to be playing in the Super Bowl in his brand new Cowboys Stadium may have jinxed his team.

Jones shook his head and replied that he is not cocky. "Well how about arrogant?" a voice from the back shouted out.

"Nope. I am not arrogant either."

"Okay Jerr, then try sarcastic on for size."

Jones stood up and said that the meeting was over. He paused and then added that if he thought that dating Jessica Simpson would help get his team back on the winning road that he would call up the blonde bitch and ask her out immediately.

Jessica Simpson was told about Jerry Jones comment. She replied that she would not go out on a date with the old plasticized codger if he offered to give her $200,000 in 20's.

[EDITOR'S NOTE: $200,000 for one date? Hmmm. It does appear that Simpson may just fit the bill of being one dumbass blonde after all.]

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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