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Tuesday, 2 November 2010

image for Vikings Coach Takes Anger At Favre Out On Randy Moss, Release Him
Randy Moss is an ass.

Brad Childress hates Brett Favre like Oprah hates low-calorie salad dressing. And penis.

Evidence That Randy Moss Is An A--hole.

  • In a 1997 Sports Illustrated article, regarding the 1970 Marshall plane crash, Randy Moss said, "the plane crash was before my time. I don't try to go back in the past and say this football game is for the people in the plane crash. I've seen the burial ground. I went up there and looked at the names. It was a tragedy, but it really wasn't nothing big."
  • During the last game of the 2004 regular season, with two seconds remaining on the game clock, Moss walked off the field and into the locker room; Moss stated afterward that he didn't think Minnesota, who ended up losing 21-18 to Washington, would recover the onside kick. (They did.)
  • In 2005, in a game against Green Bay, Moss trotted to the end zone goalpost and, facing away from the crowd, feigned pulling down his pants to moon the Green Bay fans.
  • In April 1996, Randy Moss smoked a joint just prior to turning himself in to jail to finish the remainder of his 30 day sentence for misdemeanor battery while in high school. During his first week in jail, Moss was given a drug test that came back positive. He was placed in solitary confinement for a week and had 60 days attached to his 27 day sentence. Bobby Bowden revoked his scholarship and Moss was dismissed from Florida State University for the failed drug test.
  • During a 2006 press conference, Moss responded to questions about his dropped passes and lackluster effort in several games, saying "Maybe because I'm unhappy and I'm not too much excited about what's going on, so, my concentration and focus level tend to go down sometimes when I'm in a bad mood."

'Nuff said.

Brett Favre's only, only concern is himself, and he gets to do whatever he wants, despite what head coach Brad Childress has to say about it.

Why? Because Brett Favre is a guaranteed future Hall-of-Famer, despite the fact that he who couldn't f--k up his legacy more efficiently if he came on Monica Lewinsky's blue dress.

And for two years, Brad Childress had to bite his tongue and take it, without an outlet for his vitriol.

Until now.

According to Fox Sports, Wide Receiver Randy Moss will be released from the Minnesota Vikings tomorrow.

Now, Brad Childress has yet to man-up; Moss hasn't been told personally of his release, and the transaction had yet to be submitted to the league, but Childress informed Vikings players in a meeting today.

The problem is that the head coach is not the final say in pro player personnel decisions: vice president of player personnel Rick Spielman, and Rob Brzezinski, vice president of football operations, all have a vote, and all three report directly to owner Zygi Wilf.

Childress reportedly told the team Moss "is not the type of guy we need around here." One rumor was that Childress may have thought Moss was trying to get Childress fired.

That's not to say that Moss is an angel. Frankly, he is a gigantic a--hole, but the Vikings are chockablock with gigantic a--holes. He might only be #3 or #4 in the Vikes' A--hole-a-rama.

And, two weeks ago, when the Patriots traded Moss to Minnesota for a draft pick and a large Slurpee, NFL fandom thought it was New England's worst decision in years. Instead, this has to go down as an all time steal for the Patriots. A draft choice for a player they no longer wanted to a team who rents him for three games.

But Moss talked sh-t about his coach in the media, something even undisputed #1 a--hole Favre doesn't do. And Moss has only been a Viking (this time around) for about 20 minutes, so the fans aren't going to be that upset about it, right?

Wrong.

Here's the rub: Moss makes the Vikings a better team. If they don't get to the Super Bowl this year (they won't), that's it. Favre, even if he retires-then-unretires for 2011, he's 132 years old.

And if you're suiting up in the purple and white, you want your change to go to the big dance to be improved by personnel decisions. Childress just f--ked them out of contention. And that's cause for mutiny.

And, indeed, the mutiny has started. Everyone is sticking together against Brad Childress. He has gone too far for the last time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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