Written by SpaceElevator
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Monday, 1 November 2010

(South Bend, Indiana) - Following the tragic death of a student due to a gust of wind during outdoor football practice, Notre Dame's School of Scissorliftology has been ranked "substandard" by U.S. News and World Report.

While the engineering program fared okay (tied for #51) and the journalism program was deemed superior (at #2) -- the School of Scissorliftology (a subset of the Athletic Department) is now tied for last place.

While not of Biblical proportion, the gust of wind was sufficient to topple the temporary tower that was being used to videotape football practice. Root cause analysis by university officials and the equipment's manufacturer is expected to shed more light on what led to this accident.

Armchair investigators speculate that the warning sticker "Be safe, do not operate the machine when wind conditions exceed maximum allowable wind speed" could explain the low ranking.

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