Manchester - just after opening time - Word on the street here in Cottonopolis is that Sheikh Mansur has instructed Roberto 'Boom Boom' Mancini (who apparently once boxed at Madison Square Garden but didn't write the 'Pink Panther' theme music) to sign up Javier 'Chicharito' Hernandez pronto.
Regardless of the cost.
It's thought that moneybags Manchester City are desperate to sign Chicharito from neighbours, United (who aren't a proper Manchester club anyway because they play in Stretford, according to sources and knobheads) in order to form a lethal strike partnership with the unsettled Carlos Tevez.
Who somehow just doesn't look right in sky blue.
Sir Alex Ferguson, who signed Hernandez for a relatively modest fee from Chivas, (reported to be £7 million) is reported to be furious, and ready to 'bite the head off any bastard who crosses him' according to sources.
Skoob Sports News was unable to contact Javier, the match winner and soul of discretion regarding the transfer rumours - in contrast with a certain spud headed Scouse gobshite who shall remain nameless, but who recently aired his shit stained underpants in public.
The message from Old Trafford appears to be:
"You can have the spud, and you're fucking welcome to him, but we won't let you take the pea."
More as we get it.