Paul, the predicting oracle of World cup football fame has died, everyone knows, of old age. Not true.
"He didn't die in his sleep as the zoo officials have been claiming," says his keeper in charge, "he was murdered, by the agents of the hitherto unknown Gold Diggers of Football, the football fans organization based in the hilly regions of Munich."
Poor Paul had been at the end of an ugly hate mail campaign ever since he predicted German defeat at theWCfinals, receiving more than a hundred letters a day, sometimes even more, according to Jonathan Neverliesach.
But hate male does not mean murder.
"You don't know these Diggers," he returned hotly, "they can go to any extremes. They have been at their nefarious best for a fortnight at least. Two of my assistants were attacked by masked peoples carrying golden football clubs last Monday. I myself had been attacked when going off after my duty, but thanks to my wife's presence of mind I was saved in the nick of time."
So how does she do it? Simple, she carries a huge frying pan with her wherever she goes. She was the running trophy holder of frying pan martial arts contest before they married. Two of the attackers received serious head injuries while the third one broke his nose and lost an ear. She'd thought they were trying to snatch her pan..but Neverliesach says the point is that he had been set upon.
"But this does not prove your charge?" I asked
"Just listen. I saw a masked girl near Paul's water tub. She was trying to poke Paul with a thin and long needle. She ran away when I challenged her. But someone hit me from behind and I lost consciousness. Paul was bleeding and appeared to be in a precarious condition when I regained my senses. That was last night, and Paul..my poor Paul.." He choked, overcome by emotion.
"Poor guy is nuts," scoffed the police chief when this reporter contacted him. "He is a certified looney and his wife is a rogue,who robs lone tourists by hitting them with a frying pan. She was caught last week and is serving her term. But part of what he says is true. Paul did have some injuries .."
He was interrupted by two constables who had just entered dragging a masked girl between them. She had a long pointed needle in one hand and a small glass vial in the other..
"This interview is over," said the police chief and sent me out abruptly.
"What an idiot you've been," I overheard him saying, "that looney saw you..and told this reporter..hey Frank get after THAT REPORTER, Quick.."
I ran as fast as I could...