A private clinic in the North-West confirmed today that England striker Wayne Rooney is to receive a new set of testicles from an un-named donor, believed to be a Lithuanian labourer.
Dr Bungiton Farmyardarea of the exclusive Prestbury Clinic was quoted as saying; "During the past two weeks, Mr Rooney has dropped so many bollocks that he now has practically no genitalia left to speak of, and it is imperative that he has some additional knackers sewn on".
A beaming Coleen Rooney said in confidence to her psychiatrist that "they were lucky to have found someone willing to part with their nuts for as little as 300,000 pounds, as it is less than a fortnight's wages for Wayne, and if it means that she has to buy two less dresses next month, she will make the sacrifice".
A specialist in body-part transplants, also confirmed that the footballer will receive additional benefits from having someone else's wedding tackle as it will introduce 1% of the donor's body into that of Wayne Rooney, with the result that the player's IQ is expected to increase by 300%
The Lithuanian Football Association has also confirmed that the extra set of Lithuanian swing balls will allow the England striker to be eligible for the Lithuanian national side once he is dropped from the England squad for wandering around the pitch like a disgruntled rhino and failing to do any work during the next European Cup Competition.