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Tuesday, 26 October 2010

image for College of Psychic Studies pallbearers for ESP octopus funeral
Squids-in: an estimated 50,000 mug punters got rich quick following the octoplasmic footie advice

Germany - (Fishy Tales): An occult funeral ceremony flanked by London College of Sidekick Studies coffin bearers will see the World Cup psychic octopus' remains buried at sea tomorrow.

Former handlers at the Oberhausen Sea Life Centre aquarium home were hoping today to charter Roman Abramovich's yacht 'Eclipse' for the burial rite.

The 550lb marine medium will be cremated first to stop opportunist DNA harvesting of his extraordinary supernatural genes.

His ashes will then be scattered somewhere in the Baltic Sea amid a FIFA 41-gun salute ceremony at which Susan Boyle will sing 'You'll Never Walk Alone'.

Paul, as he was known, displayed extraordinary prescience during the 2010 World Cup final where his lucky run of eight straight punts saw Spain triumph over the Netherlands.

He leaves behind an estimated 50,000 football betting millionaires who all became squids-in by following his octoplasmic advice in the June gambling bonanza.

Cheryl Cole apparently won five grand herself.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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