EASTLANDS - Sick of always being outdone by their more illustrious neighbours, Manchester City moved quickly today to buy their very own CHICO headline act - following Man Utd ace Chico's two goals against Stoke over the weekend.... ...... None other than 2005 X factor Entertainer - Chico - Yousseph "Chico" Slimani - famed for his 'It's Chico Time' song.
Gutted at not even getting a sniff at Wayne Rooney, City CEO Garry Cook brushed aside claims by the press that city still can't get themselves an A lister.
At a packed press conference Cook said -
"Well, we liked him in our house, my 7yr old daughter had a lampshade with him on it", said Cook, famed for his blundering remarks and attempts to sign world football stars, often ending in embarrassment for both him and the clubs owners.
His legendary gaffes include welcoming former Man City striker Uwe Rosler to the "Manchester United Hall of Fame" at a City supporters event and accusing Milan of "bottling it", as their attempt to sign Kaka ended up a complete fiasco.
Slimani, 39 of Basildon, somewhere dahhn Saarf, was ecstatic at the news, as he stood, microphone in hand, arms out, sporting a tight fitting, sequinned, sparkly City Home kit, ripped open at the chest.
"Everybody, what time is iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit?..........it's Chico Time" ....."Whoo, Yeah, C'mon, it's Chico Time boys and girls, Whoo, time for Chico, Yeah baby - You can get deliriouuuuus, if you take life too seriouuuuuuuus........it's Chico Time" sang the music genius as he belted out his most famous song
"Sit down yer dickhead" said a thick mancunian accent from the back of the room
Chico sat down and nervously carried on, looking around into the depths, shitting himself...
"Ok, ok ok, everybody thought I was cuckoo when I sang THAT song on the X factor - and they still do and I still am - but I don't care, they can say what they like, City are MASSIVE, just like me, we are perfect together"
Cook confirmed that Chico would be on £300k a week and he himself was the man who decided on buying their latest signing.
- "Ahem, well, thank you, thank you" said Cook expecting a round of applause.
"We just had to try to go one better than Utd and get our very own Chico. His agent put out a press release saying he was unhappy at Butlins lack of ambition and could consider signing for Pontins next summer, so we had to act quick and stole a march on them both ....and the cost? Ahh Well it's only someone else's money. If they can offer Rooney 250k a week, then we're gonna better that. Everybody knows Chico's the NUMBER ONE Entertainer in the Music business and has been for years. What better way to state our intentions than bringing in someone who sits comfortable alongside our MASSIVE status in the game. You can't deny my judgement in these matters, it was me who signed Richard Dunne after all" he beamed proudly.
As news filtered out of Eastlands that Cook had also lined up a double signing of ABLISA Abbey & Lisa who fought on the X Factor on £450k a week each, Cook was overheard to say angrily in a Manchester Restaurant later that night - "These two A Listers will make United shudder - Just you wait and see"