Written by Don Merlot
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Monday, 25 October 2010

image for Chicharito's Head "Back to Front"
New button introduced for Hernandez "Spic Flick"... will now be modified to the Crouch "Lanky Wanky" mano

Manchester United striker Javier Hernandez has revealed the secret of his baffling goal against Stoke, which was apparently scored with the back of his head.

It turns out the Mexican international, known as Chicharito - which translates as "the little gringo" - was actually using his forehead all along. The confusion arose because Hernandez styles his hair in a traditional Mexican way: closely cropped across the entire face - then completely bald at the back, with eyes, nose and mouth painted on.

The diminutive frontman's stylist, Vidal Babboon, explains:

"This look is so popular in Mexico, but Chicharito carries it off better than anyone because he has an extremely hairy face. We have a saying back home... as hairy as a dingo's crotch. Oh how he laughs when we say that."

Hernandez himself was seemingly unaware that nobody knew of his ideosyncratic barnet, admitting that he did not understand why manager Sir Alex Ferguson had been giving him the famous hairdryer treatment whilst standing behind him.

"It just got my neck all wet", said the latest Old Trafford hot-shot.

The news has come too late for games console makers Sony, who have already begun introducing a new Playstation controller designed specifically in response to Hernandez's prowess. A new button has been installed on the control pads which requires players to mash the controller into the back of their head - a manoeveur Sony has trademarked as The Spic Flick.

However, in light of the revelations that Hernandez was in fact using his forehead, they intend to modify the button for use on games such as Pro Evolution Soccerwith Peter Crouch - who despite being 13 feet tall, and having a career spanning almost a decade, has yet to successfully head a football in the direction he wanted.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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