Wayne Rooney was crestfallen when informed that he would be losing all of the housing benefit payable on his 4.5 million house. The poor man flew into an uncontrollable rage, booting the dog up the arse and throwing the cat out of the window without bothering to open it.
"Why in the hell shouldn't I get the allowance when that bloody scrounging rabble out there get everything that's going," he was heard to rant.
He intends to appeal against what he considers to be an outrageous decision by the local council.
A council spokeswoman said that although the decision was fair and based on his wage increase, Rooney could appeal against the decision through the courts, but legal aid was unlikely to be awarded because of his privileged financial staus.
Commenting on what he considers to be just another scurrilous lie from the gutter press, he was not collecting his wifes soiled knickers(she wears them only once)to sell on the internet, they were going to the local charity shop. He is also most distressed with the accolade of being the ugliest man in football, saying there is one who is slightly uglier from the african continent.
One of his teamates was a part time witch doctor back in the old country so he's considering using his services to get back to get back at that grotty dike bitch from the council.