Written by Don Merlot
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Topics: Tiger Woods, Bears

Saturday, 23 October 2010

image for Bear Shits in Woods - Tiger Furious
Get used to it, Tiger... Just pray it's been eating sensibly

Tiger Woods is said to be furious, after a bear defecated into his mouth. The incident happened whilst Woods was on the 10th hole of a golf course in Colorado.

It is, in fact, a common occurrence for professional golfers to be used by the wild animals in this manner; it is due to the proximity of many courses to the bears' natural habitat. It has long been a custom though, that the world number one golfer has been allowed, by law, to avoid being defecated on.

This dates back to the days of Jack Nicklaus, who became known as the Golden Bear, because he still allowed the animals to urinate on him.

It is believed that the particular bear that attacked Woods was not aware he was still the reigning world number one, following an extended spell out of the game due to an overworked penis. He is set to lose the top golfer title in the coming weeks, but it is thought that this bear "jumped the gun" - acting before it was official.

A spokesperson for the Association of Bears and Ursine Matters (A-BUM) said this:

"It's a fair enough mistake to make. I wouldn't have known he was still world number one either. Tiger's known more for his wood in the bedroom than his three-wood on the fairway... I would think his cock's had so much friction, it looks like a glow-stick nowadays."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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