Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre, known this year for throwing picks and sexting d--ks, has had the mushroomed shaped purple helmet of fate taken out of his hands, and placed in the hands of NFL Commissioner Roger (snicker) Goodell.
The NFL investigation stems from a claim by former Jets employee Jenn Sterger, who shared with the world pictures of a tiny, tiny penis --which she says she can prove is Favre's-- after the sad, pathetic photos were sent to her phone in a 'sexting' frenzy between she and Favre, who is 113 years her senior.
"What we know right now is that Sterger received pictures of what appears to be the penis of a Pygmy," said a source in Goodell's office. "She claims that it was sent to her by an NFL employee, and that is what we are looking into."
The only thing delaying the NFL's ruling in this matter is Sterger's cellphone.
"We do need to see her phone, to prove whether Favre actually sent her the photo," said the NFL source. "But the complainant has yet to comply with our request for the phone."
"No --king way," said Sterger's attorney. "Unless the NFL ponies up some dough. Inside Edition's offered $50k; until someone beats that number, the phone stays in my safe."
Favre, who appeared at practice today sporting a number of wife's-fist-sized bruises on his face and upper torso, did not want to discuss the investigation.
"The only purple helmet I am concerned with," said Favre, while crossing out the label that reads 'extra-small' in his jockstrap with a black Sharpie, "is the Vikings helmet I'll be wearing when the Green Bay Packers sack me 10-15 times in Sunday's game."