America's football team, the Dallas Cowboys, are set to introduce their most novel innovation yet, a gay cheerleading unit, which, it is hoped, will be the spark that changes the team's luck after a poor start to the season.
The Cowboys loss to the Tennessee Titans left them with an unenviable 1-3 record, and coach Wade Phillips knows that, if things don't change quickly, his job will be on the line, as well as his arse.
Result? Wheel in the Camp Crew, the campest, faggiest bunch of arse-bandits in the US, who will cheer the team from the sidelines in a bid to provide the stimulus their hunky heroes need to come out on top in their bid to get to a ninth Superbowl appearance.
The Camp Crew features a 30-strong contingent of the best-hung benders in Texas, who have been selected for their good looks, fit, oily, muscular bodies, and big strong hands, with which they will tightly grasp their pom-poms during the game.
Prediction: A losing season for the Cowboys due to countless sphincter muscle injuries.