Written by anthonyrosania
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Topics: NFL, 49ers

Saturday, 9 October 2010

image for Former 49er Glen Coffee Does More Stupid Sh-t, Is Arrested with "Cocked" Handgun

Flaming stupid-ass Glen Coffee, the 23-year-old former 49er running back who retired suddenly this offseason, was arrested in Florida for carrying a concealed firearm.

"The pistol was recovered with the hammer 'cocked'," said the Folt Walton, Florida cop who found the weapon, after a traffic stop. "It was readily accessible to Coffee."

Coffee, who cited a conversation with God as the reason for pissing away what might have been a mediocre career with a sh-tty team: "When I look back I feel I never should have entered the draft in the first place," said Coffee, "I found Christ in college. It changed my views on everything, except gun ownership."

"Our best guess is that Coffee spent all of the money he made in the NFL," said the Fort Walton Police Chief, who posted the local newspaper's account of the incident on his Facebook page, and then immiediately clicked 'like'. "There's a 7-11 about a mile away that hasn't been armed-robbed in a day or two. Perhaps that's his new career."

"We believe that he was going to find a place with a nice view and end it all," said 49ers coach Mike Singletary. "You left us without a starting running back, so Mazel-tov, d--kbag."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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