Stomach cramps, diarrhoea and vomiting is sweeping across the swimming squads at this year's Commonwealth games in Delhi. Team doctors have identified several different bacteria responsible and have concluded that they are picking up the strains from the swimming pools themselves.
"Thirty-four of our forty-two swimmers have been struck down so far," said Team GB Team Doctor doctor Harrison Jekyll. "I have concluded that they are picking it up from the training pools."
Organisers of the Commonwealth games have denied that their pools are a danger to health, and have rebutted Jekyll's allegation with that the competitors are spending all their time drinking beer.
"Our pools are of the highest cleanliness," said Imran Sahir, swimming organiser. "We have world class filters and the water is changed weekly."
Jekyll is not convinced, and took a sample of the water to a local laboratory. He was shocked by what he found.
"We found a wide range of microbes in the water," he said. "From Cholera down to Dysentery. Additionally, the water looks filthy. If they are changing this weekly, then they must be swapping it for sewage run off from the athlete's village. I wouldn't piss in this water, never mind swim in it."
Sahir had no response to this, but to murmur something about local builders getting their pipes crossed.