Commonwealth Games officials investigating the quality of the water in the Games' swimming pool have revealed that they have found what may have been causing illness amongst several of the swimmers - a giant turd.
England's team leader John Atkinson said Rebecca Adlington and Fran Halsall had both suffered with stomach problems, and Australia have also voiced concerns over the pool.
Commonwealth Games Federation chief Mike Fennell didn't mince his words:
"We tested the water, and it showed a massive level of impurity, so we sent divers in, and they came up with this," he said, displaying a huge stool in a protective glass case.
"We don't know how it got there, or who did it, but we will be taking shit samples from all the competitors, and we are determined to catch the filthy bastard that shat it."
It was also later discovered that urine from 156 different sources had been pissed into the pool.