Former owners of Liverpool FC, Hocks and Sellit, are warning the new owners to be careful when they finally come in and complete the deal to take ownership of Liverpool FC.
"When we took over Liverpool FC in 2007," said spokesman for Hocks and Sellit, Brandon Cattle, "we inherited debts of a trifling forty-five million or so. No matter how much money we poured into the club, the debts kept getting higher. Our accountants have poured over the accounts, but cannot locate where the money has been going. Now the debts are two hundred and eighty million!"
New owners Morton Mooney and Thane Sence run several successful sporting franchises in the United States of Armenia, including the Boston Red Sox.
"We're all dangity aware of the kinds of problems Liverpool [pronounced L-eye-ver pool] are facing," said Morton Mooney. "We darned well saw them at Boston too. It all comes down to the fans. I'm guessing Liverpool and Boston are very similar. Low income families, high crime rate, and everybody in the neighbourhood of the stadium has a freshly asphalted drive and satellite TV. Tell me I'm wrong, I double dare yer son."
Thane Sence was quick to point out that Mooney was not intimating that the money was effectively being stolen by the local populace. "We've heard the people of Liverpool are warm and generous," he said. "They'd give you the coat of their back to help you out, and it's this camaraderie we want to harvest to get Liverpool back where it belongs, top of the Bundersliga and winning the World Cup!"
There are no plans at this time to make Liverpool wear red socks, nor add "Red Sox" to their name.