At a recent press conference at which the owners of the New York Mets announced that they were giving the team manager a walk, they also explained that they were pursuing an entirely new managerial strategy. They will hire a female for the job.
"It's clear that the players don't take direction from a male manager," one of the exasperated owners complained. He shrugged and added, "Look at it this way. If we get the right one, at least the guys will LOOK, then maybe they'll even LISTEN."
No names were mentioned at the press conference. However, Spoof reporter Gail Farrelly was able to listen in on conversations among some folks in the know and get an inkling of the ladies being considered for the position of NY Mets manager, along with the main reason for that consideration. Here's the list:
-- Entertainer Lady Gaga ("She's built her own organization from the BOTTOM up.")
-- Sarah Palin ("Could she keep the guys in line? You betcha!")
-- Tennis champ Venus Williams ("She has a gorgeous figure and eye-catching sports outfits; can bring sister along to the ballpark to consult if necessary.")
-- Retired Victoria Secret Model and TV star Heidi Klum ("Besides just the plain old WOW factor, she could have Project Runway contestants design new uniforms for the guys.")
-- Actress Susan Sarandon ("OK, she's 64, but she still has a body to die for. And she DID star in that baseball movie Bull Durham.")
-- First Lady Michelle Obama ("She's finding that her present job isn't all it's cracked up to be. Being First Lady of the Mets could be another story.")
Meanwhile, Mets fans, disgusted with the performance of the whole shebang -- players, managers, and owners -- lay most of the blame squarely at the feet of the owners. Several fans remarked that the owners should remember what Harry Truman once said: "The buck stops here." And they bemoan the fact that owners can't be fired. "Boy," said one disappointed fan after watching the press conference featuring the owners, "I'd like to get right in their faces and shout, YER OUT!"