Written by Morse
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Topics: Golf, Wales, Ryder Cup

Friday, 1 October 2010

image for Ryder Cup Kicks off In Wales But Most Swinging Takes Place off the Course!
Raining in Wales? Cameras Clouded for Ryder Cup Tee Off & Cocktail Party!

Traditional Wale Watchers were not surprised today to see the kickoff of the International Ryder Cup Golf matches take place in the rain!

The course was dotted with thousands of colorful BLACK brollies borne by UK fans who flocked to Newport, Wales to see some of their local heroes take on the big hitters from the Colonies.

Prior to Tee Off, the area resembled a rather large drinking party and social event as journalists, labor leaders, and just plain 'characters' and punters mingled and discussed their team's chances whilst placing wagers with the local bookmakers.

Despite the party like atmosphere, however, the Prince of Wales was nowhere to be seen, with a Royal Spokesman saying Prince Charles was otherwise engaged in trying to save the planet 'in another location."

At the welcoming cocktail party ESPN's Erin Andrews dazzled in her stunning ultra short golf skirt showing off her magnificent legs and appeared radiant despite the recent on air break up with her play by play futball partner, Skoob of Skoob News.

While Skoob himself was said to be tied up with other matters concerning the next concert tour with his popular female band The Bonkettes, ace reporter Buffty Ginslinger didn't miss taking a drink from each tray as it was passed around as he chatted up players' caddies trying to dig up some dirt for the morning edition.

Fergus McCarthy, on holiday paid for by the Irish Roof Thatching Union, was in deep conversation with Ireland's heroes, Rory Mcllroy and Graeme McDowell, as he gave them some last minute instructions which included a snatch of conversation that ended with, "...well alright then...we've got that sorted...never let the Bastards up when you get 'em down....and remember to fart when they're facing that crucial 4' putt for the win......"

Off in the corner international bon vivant Colonel Juan Bolivar (jr), was seen chatting up a host of stunning Ryder Cup Hostesses, regaling them with stories of how he made many young lasses famous, as long as they didn't mind exposing a few body parts. When last seen he was seen drinking directly from a bottle of Merlot, while stuffing a plethora of hastily scribbled phone numbers into his black velvet smoking jacket and grinning fiendishly.

Outside the tent walking along the rough on the 14th hole, British Patriot Martin Shuttlecock was seen clipping a nice bouquet of Daffodils to take home to long suffering wife Anne. "Can't get none of these at home," he croaked
happily, "spent most of last year looking for some and here I can pick all I want right in Wales.....fooking amazing, innit...must be all this fooking rain!"

Ringed by a sting of security guards, Female Philanthropist Tiger Woods was seen giving some dating advice to European Team Captain Colin Montgomerie, who recently experienced some embarrassment over a golf related sexual incident involving a twosome that did not include his wife. Tiger was heard to comment," Listen Colin....it's better to play in a threesome or foursome....it's not as lonely, and if you wind up in a crack, there's always someone nearby to help you find your balls....."

The European players seemed ravenous at the breakfast buffet prior to tee off, loading their plates with laverbread (from seaweed), and heaping mounds of steaming cockles and Bacon and a side dish of lamb stew.

Most Americans had ordered out and were seen with paper wrappers surrounding their egg McMuffins with the exception of Tiger, who somehow managed to find a bucket of fried chicken from a take away and was seen licking the plate of the last of the mashed potatoes.

Odds are on the European's for the match, over the long ball hitting Colonists.

Irish hero Graeme McDowell said "I think we can drive the ball better than the Cousins...here you have to be straight down the middle all the time...distance don't mean nothin on this course...short and straight...that's what's goin win this match for us...just look at Tiger...onst he started straying off the course
he couldn't find the hole anymore....we not going to fook around....that's what's going to win this thing for us....and a few pints during the match...Bloody Hell right we're goin' win this thing...it's raining innit?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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