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Wednesday, 29 September 2010

image for Sluggish United Snatch One-Nil In Valencia
We Win One-Nil Or I Blow Yer Head Off - Robbery

Champions League - Mestalla - Valencia, Espania - Manchester United completed a smash and grab on Valencia here tonight, with a late strike from substitute Javier 'Chicharito' Hernandez, who took his goal from a 'Kiko' Macheda pass.

The game itself was largely uneventful, with a sluggish United side huffing and puffing as they tried to contain the slick passing Spaniards.

It wasn't much of a spectacle, as travelling United fan, Fat Eddie from Stretford admitted:

"It was a bit slow," he told us. "But it was bloody hot over here today, and hot out on the park as well. You could see the lads were sweating their bollocks off. Me mate, Fat Joe from Failsworth took his shirt off today, the daft bastard - he's all sunburnt to fuck now. Anyway, as me other mate Fat Arnold says - it goes down as a one-nil and three points in the record books, so it don't really matter does it."

Further up the coast in Barcelona, United fans were not blamed for sparking outbreaks of rioting and looting - that was a demonstration against austerity measures proposed by the Spanish government.

Allegedly.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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