Chelsea's rich and marvellous new owner, Roman Ab (as we like to call him), has decided to bypass the whole possibility of his new 'super-team' stuffing up, by simply purchasing the original Premiership trophy in advance of the season actually starting.
Roman is said to be delighted by his acquisition.
"It's very moving for me, to have a cup shaped piece of metal to put on my golden desk. I think Chelsea and all of Chelsea's supporters can be pleased with the contribution that they have put into the purchase. I for one am ecstatic."
However, not everyone is impressed with the move. Some sour-graped individuals have been decisively angry about the move. Arsene Wenger said:
"It's a disgrace for English football. It's even worse than my bullshit about not seeing any of my players fouling their opponents."
Alex Ferguson has also commented:
"It's terrible. Next time I have a chance, I'm gonna throw a football boot at his head."
Football is expected to never recover from the position that Roman Ab has put it in.
Bad times. Bad vibes.