Written by Bill Licks
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Thursday, 23 September 2010

image for India outsources Commonwealth Games
An athlete from Labrador enjoys the luxuries of the Athlete's Village

Your bank has probably outsourced its operations there, your phone company no doubt outsourced its customer services there too, and you might even notice that when you try to call your mother, she has outsourced herself, so that you now have a conversation about the cost of carrots from Tescos with a thick accented gentleman called Naveen Kumar.

But now the Indian people are about to turn the tables on the UK by outsourcing a major project of their own.

Organisers of the 2010 Delhi Commonwealth Games have decided to outsource the four yearly festival of sport to England in an effort make its operations more cost effective.

Allegations of crumbling stadiums built by child slaves and an athlete's village constructed from cardboard boxes have been denied by the Indian organisers.

'We feel that we are will make huge savings and the event will be very profitable by outsourcing all the sporting events to another country' said Sandeep Krishna of Delhi Commonwealth PLC.

'We have been working on this project for over 4 weeks and we now feel we have the infrastructure in place to make these games a huge success by not holding them here at all and also not telling the athletes until they turn up in India to compete.'

'For example when the runners of the 100 metres arrive in Delhi to run their race, they will be redirected to the airport where they will be made to wait around before facing a 9 hour flight to London and will eventually speak to someone who hasn't got a clue what's going on before they give up and go home.'

'It will be very similar to the experience they have now when they phone BT to find out why their broadband isn't working so they should be used to this kind of service.'

Some athletes are now refusing to take part in the Games after news was leaked of the outsourcing plans.

Triple jumper Phillips Idowu said 'I've had enough of all this off-shoring, or whatever they call it, by these big corporations so I've decided to end my contract with the Commonwealth Games PLC and take my business elsewhere to a local company called London Olympics 2012 where I know I will get the service I demand.'

Runner Christine Ohuruogo added 'It's all very well that companies are trying to save money but at what cost to the satisfaction of the customer.'

'If I'm trying to break the 400 metres world record I want to know that I will record the fastest time ever. Not finish 2 one hundredths of a second outside of it just because I pressed 1 for 'Gold Medal Only' rather than 2 for 'Gold Medal and a World Record' because I couldn't understand the accent of the person reading the recorded message.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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