Manchester City have unveiled the latest signing in their seemingly unending spending spree after splashing out £2 million on an unborn fetus.
Although the player couldn't be there personally, due to it being enveloped in its mother's womb, the club did show the baby scan that convinced them to take what they called a "calculated risk" on the developing life form.
City boss Roberto Mancini became excited about the young prospect when a proud mother showed him the scan at a dinner party. Mancini was immediately impressed by the 12 week old baby's "textbook kicking technique" and phoned Sheikh Mansour, the club's chairman, who, lacking even a basic knowledge of the game, nonetheless obliged by writing a cheque that very minute.
Human rights lawyers and supporters of Manchester United have raised questions over the legitimacy of signing without consent of the player, who is as yet without a name but City insist the contract made with the boy's mother, Shaznay Phillips, 16 is legally binding and grants them first refusal on any future babies she may choose to have
The club have already begun a strict training regime for the single mother and have brought in the country's leading nutritionists to provide a diet, which will optimise the gestating fetus' abilities.
Despite ethical objections, Mansour insists it merely reflects the inevitable curve of history and revealed he is currently taking advice from champion horse breeders with a view to introducing the selective breeding of footballers.