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Wednesday, 22 September 2010

image for 'Tightass' Bramble arrested in hotel serious sex crime probe
From the alleged crime scene today

Tybne/Wear - (Reuterus & Ass Mess): Sunderland defender Titus Bramble has denied all charges after being arrested by police at Newcastle's Vermont Hotel.

The Premiership player had only just joined his club from Wigan where his extracurricular record was today described as exemplary.

The 'Tightass' nickname is understood to have been earned during a stint at Ipswich where a legendary reluctance to dig deep into his pockets caused much ribbing in the players' locker room.

A hotel source said today police were called in after a woman in her 20s alleged a serious assault had taken place at a three hundred quid-a-pop suite.

Bramble and another man were lead away as Sunderland FC fought off the press which had jammed the club switchboard looking for more details.

"Innocent until proved gulity," was the gust of a terse message left on a dedicated ansaphone machine.

No Salford escort Agency slappers are believed to be involved - unlike the other week when Wayne Rooney hit the headlines.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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