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Saturday, 18 September 2010

As Manchester City striker Craig Bellamy finalised the details on his bizarre transfer to hometown club Cardiff City, Hoodies For Goalposts can exclusively reveal that all 20 Premier League clubs voted unanimously on Bellamy being 'an intelorable cunt'.

In an unprecedented series of events, Bellamy's employers City proposed that they be allowed to expel the Welsh scumbag on the basis that 'Mark Hughes thought he's a nice bloke, but it turns out he's a horrible bastard'. All other 19 clubs agreed, with 8 unnamed clubs voting 'About fucking time!'.

Bellamy has gathered a series of rhyming nicknames by the red-top media for his various acts of twattishness in his Premier League career, including 'The Nutter With The Putter' after attacking teammate John Arne Riise with a golf club in February 2007, 'The Dick With The Brick' after throwing a breeze block at his own mother in July 2008 and 'The Bollock With The Pollock' after paying £31 million for a painting by the abstract expressionist in January 2006, only to smash it over the tiny head of Florent Sinama-Pongolle.

"I wear my heart on my sleeve and I'm passionate about the game." the snarl-toothed Bellamy commented. "If attacking your own teammates, faking injuries and racially and physically assaulting other members of society is a crime, then well, im guilty. Lock me up and throw away the key." The Premier League have chose not to imprison Bellamy, instead opting to force Bellamy to move to Cardiff, a far larger and more disturbing punishment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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