As Manchester United prepared to face Liverpool this morning in the run up to the battle of the one time - rumour has it that Chelsea currently define English football tradition - big shots, a Skoob Sports News reporter appealed for calm, and level headedness.
The unnamed reporter, (not Skoob1999) told us that a few short months ago he wouldn't have given a toss what the Scousers thought.
But times change.
These days, TheSpoof.com satirical website has been infiltrated by Scousers, armed with their traditional rapier like wit. (But not Stanley knives - we never said that) such as Jeremy Paxman and Stevey G.
"I can't compete with them lad," the reporter (NOT Skoob1999) told us. "They'd chew me up and spit me out in a heartbeat. It's that native Scouse wit - us Salford lads can't compete with that. They've got the tradition, right back from Arthur Askey, through Jimmy Tarbuck, Stan Boardman, and more recently Paul O'Tranny. They're just too savagely subtle for us. We're just simple lads at heart. Whereas they're all sophisticated and that..."
At which point the Skoob Sports News reporter repaired to the gents to yack his guts up in nervous - nay petrified - anticipation.
"I hope to fuck it's not a 4-1 embarrassment again," our reporter sobbed. "I fucking detest being magnanimous in defeat. Especially with them bastards."
Paxman and G declined to comment, at least for the moment.
So our reporter chipped in his bit:
"If history is so important to Liverpool fans - how come none of 'em ever get History GCSE's?" he said. "I'll tell you why, too busy reliving past glories. And twatting on about how great it was on the kop. With people pissing down yer leg and that. Oh Christ, I pray we get a good result today, or I'll never live it down."
Jimmy Greenhoff - Wembley - 1977 - Where's your treble gone now boys?
More if we survive the inevitable backlash.
Peace and love (yeah, riiiight...)