Written by anthonyrosania
Print this
Topics: NFL, ines sainz

Tuesday, 14 September 2010

image for Jets Sign TV Azteca's Inés Sainz as 3rd Down Possession Receiver
Walter Cronkite was a serious journalist, and I never saw his ass crack in a thong. Well, once...

The New York Jets signed Inés Sainz of the Mexican television network TV Azteca to be a 3rd down possession receiver, clearing up the misunderstanding this week when Dennis Thurman, the team's defensive backs coach, purposely overthrew passes to land near Sainz on the sideline.

"The Jets have put to rest speculation that coach Thurman was purposely throwing balls at Sainz by signing her to a one year contract," said Jets team owner Woody Johnson, whose name could only be funnier if it was Dick Cockwiener Meatschlong. "She'll be used as a possession receiver."

"I so is happy to be part of Jets," said Sainz, while committing felony assault on the English language. "Football been very very good to me."

Johnson's latest move is contrary to the position he took while talking to NBC's Pam Oliver during an interview Sunday.

Define Possession Receiver:

1.) Noun WRs mostly used in the slot (Between the o-line and one of the primary receivers) and put over the middle where the linebackers and safties live. They aren't considered blazingly fast, but usually have good hands. They also tend to be tall.

2.) Slang for "white wide receiver". See also "Deceptively fast" and "Gritty, team player"

"What does (Inés Sainz) expect when she goes to a cover an NFL game dressed to kill," said Jonhson. "She was wearing jeans so tight I could read her lips."

"If she wants to be taken seriously as a reporter, stop dressing like you suck d-ck for money, concluded Johnson. "You were that hot once, Pam. Like 30 pounds ago. What happened to you, a Cheesecake Factory open close to home?"

Sainz will start in place of Santonio Holmes, who sucked ass in Monday night's game.

Make anthonyrosania's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 plus 4?

2 24 5 12
35 readers are online right now!

Go to top

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more