Manchester United striker Wayne Rooney has been warned that he faces a 'bloody nightmare' if he plays at Goodison Park today, by manager Sir Alex Ferguson.
He has also been tipped off that Evertonians, still smarting over his £25 million defection to the Manchester giants, will be merciless in their terrace barracking, singing among other things 'No Woman No Kai' - in reaction to the player's marital difficulties relating to his penchant for night club frequenting prostitutes.
"They can be cruel bleeders them Scousers," said United fan Jarbo the Killer, as he sipped a pint in the Dog And Partridge pub, a stone's throw away from United's Old Trafford stadium. "They'll have no mercy on him. Rip him to bits they will. If I was him I'd stop at home. Deffo."
An Everton fan who identified himself as 'Smudger' told us that him and his mates had some right tasty ditties lined up for Rooney's return, and promised - as he laughed - that none of them would be pleasant.
Not for Rooney anyway.
Juicy Jeni has reportedly told associates that she'll be hiding behind the sofa at her Mam's in Westhoughton until it's all over...
Match update as we get it.