Written by Morse
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Tuesday, 7 September 2010

image for Tiger Woods Named to US Ryder Cup Team; Pakistani Bookies Make European Team 1001- 1 Underdogs!
PGA Concerned after Pakistan Bookies Post Odds of 500-1 that Tiger Will Miss a Putt Like this!

PGA officials are looking into the suspect naming of Tiger Woods to the US Ryder Cup team after unusual betting patterns emerged in Pakistan making the Tough European Team overwhelming UNDERDOGS.

Woods, who hasn't played a decent match in his 5 Cup appearances going 10-13-2, and who has been having trouble on this year's tour finding the hole after his avowed abstinence policy until his recent divorce was finalized, said he was 'shocked & dismayed' after learning he had been picked by team captain Corey Pavin.

Close associates involved in Woods' Financial Empire, said the #1 Golfer on the PGA tour was looking forward to moving back into the dating game after forgoing sexual activity since last Thanksgiving when his squeaky clean image was shattered after a multitude of 'Shag & Tell' revelations from a 'herd' of swinging party girls.

Woods supposedly bent over and coughed up $10m to Rachelle Uchitel his #1 squeeze trying to keep the lid on his off course antics, but that backfired when at least another 13 lovers came out of the locker room to confess to lurid sexual romps, not to mention the college age daughter of his Florida next door neighbor.

Since he's been back on the tour Tiger has not been a factor playing the worst golf of his career with no wins in 11 events. His body language and course antics are showing that he's not happy about his sordid sex life being exposed to the average fan which has cut down on endorsements as well as quickies behind dumpsters at local donut shops.

According to a Ryder cup team mate who earned his way on to the team, but didn't want to be identified, no one on the team wants to be paired with him on the links, and have even requested that Tiger be housed off the course and afforded separate shower and toilet facilities in the club house.

"We're here to win," the unidentified player said, 'we don't want to be distracted by his bad attitude, unsanitary sex practices, and we sure as hell
don't want to have him around our wives, girl friends, daughters or nannies.

"First time shame on him, second time shame on us....14 times and counting....well, shame on the PGA!"

Wood's PR representative vehemently denied reports that Woods was seen having Curry & Kabobs with Pakistani Sporting Personality Mazhar Majeed
in a late night eatery surrounded by a plethora of former Miss Pakistan Hotties who just happened to have dyed their hair blonde for the dessert course.

In Karachi odds were posted at 300-1 that Woods would miss a 6" putt on the 3rd hole of the fourth match, that he would shank his sand wedge from the bunker of the 14th hole in match 2, and 500-1 that he would need 3 shots on the par 3 127 yard 6th hole to reach the green in his opening match.

Said a PGA official, " We think something is fishy here....although the way Tiger's been playing, I suppose anything is possible."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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