Written by Ellis Ian Fields
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Saturday, 4 September 2010

image for Women Rubbish At Football - Official.
Girls can't do it, apparently.

Women's groups are furious with boffins who are to publish research that proves men are better at football than women.

Scientists at Washington University, St Louis, USA, have found that kicking activates certain hip and leg muscles in men but not in women, and this makes them more resistant to injuries.

The research is to be published in the Journal of Bone and Joint Surgery.

But women are hitting out at the findings.

"It's ridiculous research," said women's group spokesperson Corinne Aerosol. "It's typical bloody men trying to prove they're better than women again.

"And it's been done by a bunch of yanks anyway - what do they know about football? I bet they've gone and mixed up what they call soccer with that stupid grid-iron rubbish.

"Of course we kick as well as men - just ask that pillock who tried to feel me up down the pub last Saturday. He'll tell you."

TV pundit Dave Shinpad disagreed: "This just proves what we've known all along - girls are rubbish kicking and throwing. We always say someone who's crap 'throws like a girl' don't we?

"I've been to women's games. They look nice - but that's about it, isn't it? Perhaps they should stick to stuff like beach volleyball and mud wrestling!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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