Lefty Undersmith, the promising running back of the San Francisco University Fifth Generation Teenage Welfare Mothers, tore his ACLU in practice yesterday and will miss this season. The tailback, who was projected as a finalist for the Heisman Trophy, hurt his knee when cutting on a play in practice.
Said his coach, Clyde Bubba, "we were running on an overbalanced line, like we always do, and Lefty's knee went one way while his body went the other. It's just one of those bad breaks that goes with playing sports. In fact, I blame Bush for this happening."
The teams official fan club, the ACORNS, said in an official press release that "we're going to miss him. It was all Bush's fault."
NBC Sports commentator Keith Olbermann, who had picked Lefty to go all the way, was also upset about the torn ACLU. "I blame Bush and his policies for making this happen. He's destroying sports for the next generation."
When told that Bush had nothing to do with college football and had been out of office for almost two years, Lefty and the others decided that it was probably the fault of FoxNews, Glenn Beck, and Sarah Palin.