Written by Noshing Mink
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Friday, 20 August 2010

image for Dumped Beckham signs up for Subbuteo Squad
Subbuteo players have more freedom than Table Soccer players

One-time darling of the England football team David Beckham has bounced back from his humiliating sacking by failed Italian manager Fabio Capello . He has signed a 3-year contract to play for the Subbuteo squad.

Beckham will need minor adjustments before he can start to play - his feet will be encased in a hemispheric plastic bubble. However, once this is done, he will be ready to be flicked by grubby children's fingers all over the world.

An insider said that each team sells for between £10 and £20, which means that players are worth about £1.75 each. However, after taking into account volume sales, which are likely to be at least 500,000 in Beckham's case, the former England player could be looking at a contract worth about £800,000.

"Not bad for someone who's past it", said one fan.

Beckham said he has mixed feelings about living the rest of his life with his feet encased in plastic. "Sex with Posh will be rather tricky and I will need to learn how to do it standing up. It will also be difficult to pick up Brooklyn, Romeo and Cruz."

"But on the bright side, at least I won't be physically joined to other team players as I would be if I joined the Table Soccer squad."

Most of Beckam's matches will be played on filthy carpets in children's bedrooms, but he will occasionally play on tables and outdoors.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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