Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 19 August 2010

image for Joe Cole Proves He's A Crap Penalty Taker - Cheryl Cole Says 'Dancing' Derek Hough Would Have Made A Better Job Of It
"We Won It Five Times...We Won It Five Ti-i-imes..." We Know. You Never Stop Reminding Us.

Latest news - final score not in yet. Liverpool FC, leading 1-0 from a Ryan Babel goal on half time uncharacteristically playing for a penalty at the Kop end in their Europa League tie against Trabzonspor, from somewhere in the back of beyond, were surprisingly awarded a penalty at the Kop end, which new signing, Joe Cole confidently stood up to take.

Cue, absolute disaster.

Joe Cole failed to convert the penalty kick (which Liverpool weren't playing for anyway) as the keeper parried the ball.

Trabzonspor promised to pose the Anfield giants a greater threat than the mighty Rabotnicki, who Liverpool successfully dispatched in the previous round.

Experts from the football world opined that Cheryl Cole, out of Girls Aloud, would probably have said that her 'friend' (according to Bolton based boxer Amir Khan - that's all he is) Dancing Derek Hough, would have made a better job of the penalty than World Cup winner Joe Cole did.

"Derek would've slotted it in the top reet hand corner" Cheryl may have told friends. "He's not that good in the box, not for lack of trying mind..."

At the time of writing, Liverpool were distinctly not looking for another penalty. Honestly.

Assuming the mighty reds get through this tie, they could face a tie with European giants, Rapid Vienna. An intriguing prospect for the club that "won it five times" and never stop twatting on about it.

Ten minutes to play, and this reporter could kill a prawn sandwich...even Liverpool legend, Kerry Dogleash looks bored as he watches from the stands...

Full time. Resounding 1-0 drubbing.

Free pitta breads up the kebab shop lads!

You really showed 'em who's boss there.

More as we get it. If we can be arsed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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