Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Saturday, 14 August 2010

image for Dallas Cowboys Owner Jerry Jones Is Blaming Their Loss To The Oakland Raiders On Kim Kardashian
Cowboys owner Jerry Jones is thinking about dropping the rule that prohibits players from dating Dallas Cheerleaders.

DALLAS - Jerry Jones, the owner of the Dallas Cowboys, is back singing his old "She's a Jinx" song again after his Cowboys were beaten by the Oakland Raiders 17-9.

Two years ago he blamed every Cowboys loss on Hollywood actress Jessica Simpson, who was dating quarterback Tony Romo at the time.

Jones had an excuse for every loss. "Simpson was wearing a pink football jersey. Simpson was wearing purple socks. Simpson was not wearing a bra or panties."

Jones told his star quarterback that Jessica Simpson was a jinx and he actually forced Romo to break up with the blonde starlet or risk the possibility of getting traded to the lowly Detroit Lions.

Tony did not like it one bit, but he ain't no 'pendejo' (fool) and he finally dumped Jessica on the day before her 29th birthday.

Jessica was needless to say devastated but she did not blame Tony, she blamed the skinny, little, funky botoxed looking owner of the Cowboys.

Jones tried to deny the story saying that Romo had told him that he was going to dump Simpson because she was starting to dress like an old woman, her hair was getting split ends, she had developed cellulite on her clitoris, and she wanted him to participate in a menage-a-trois with Pamela Anderson, who Romo says he cannot stand.

And so this year when Jerry's star receiver Miles Austin started dating Kim Kardasian, of the infamous big butted Kardashian sisters Jones shook his head and wondered if it was going to be deja vu all over again as Yogi Berra would say.

Jones immediately called Miles into his office. He sat him down and explained all about the Jessica Simpson jinx and he said that he would not put up with another such incident which he referred to as the Kim Kardashian jinx.

Miles simply smiled. Miles always smiles. Even when he gets hit as he is up in the air for a pass he is smiling. He was asked last year by a reporter for Sports Illustrated why it is that he is always smiling.

Miles smiled and said that it's just the way his smiling muscles are made up. He said that a facial doctor in Acapulco, Mexico, told him two years ago that he is afflicted with smilatosis, which is the uncontrollable desire to constantly smile.

SIDENOTE: So in the meantime Miles has said that Kim has agreed to wear a disguise to the Cowboy games so that no one knows that its really her. An unnamed Dallas player laughed and said that there is no way on earth that Kim is going to be able to disguise her humongous ass unless she makes it look like a damn volcano or maybe puts on black face makeup and she dresses herself up to look like 603 pound Gabourey Sidibe.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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