Liverpool supporters and players alike are said to be heavily overestimating their chances of turning the Premier League on its head after the successful purchase of Harry Kewell. Said one Liverpudlian:
"It's great, innit! Harry Kewell has come to us cos we're the best and the rest of the teams in the Premiership are gonna feel like someone's slipped a couple of shots of Rohypnol into their half-time Lucazade Sports drinks."
Liverpool manager Gerrard Houllier (a hanging-on-for-dear-life Frenchman) told us:
"It's incredible how much better Liverpool are going to be for the inclusion of the Australian, Harry Kewell, into our squad. Leeds supporters must be crying into their whippets!"
The whole city, uplifted by its recent award of "City of the Monkeys" (or whatever the award was), is said to be celebrating their "upcoming" Premiership win by stealing big things like pubs.