Certain sport news agencies, including the one that allows LeBron James to write his own news stories, is reporting that the NFL will be using footballs with microchips inside, in order to prevent blown calls by officials.
The microchips will help officials minimize foul-ups by sounding an alarm to let refs know when the ball crossed the goal line or other lines on the field, rather than officials using their own eyeballs.
"The microchips will really cut down on the time we as referees spend under the tent viewing and reviewing instant replay footage," said NFL Ref Euripedes McAged who, at 83, is the youngest referee in the NFL. "That way, viewers won't have to listen to Troy Aikman or Chris Collingsworth pontificate ad nauseum about how they know exactly what call should be made, those two self-important douchebags."
It will also help NFL players work on some of their deficiencies, says the league.
"We'll actually be using a Taser-like implant in some of the balls. So, for instance, when Eli Manning fumbles 3 times a game: The ball will give him a little shock, gently reminding him to hold onto the f--king thing," said NFL President Ricky Williams.
"Imagine if Donovan McNabb got a little jolt everytime he threw 3 yards behind a receiver on a 9-yard crossing route," said Williams. "Or every time Jairus Byrd let his receiver get deep on him, because he's always trying to jump the WR's route, or everytime Chad Ochocinco referred to himself in the 3rd person? Gameplay as a whole would improve."
Until then, the NFL will continue to use an electrified cattle prod to punish NFL refs who blow calls."