Written by Monkey Woods
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Monday, 2 August 2010

image for Blackpool FC Face New Drama Over Donkey Droppings
Donkeys: they stink

Premier League newboys, Blackpool FC, may have made it back into football's big time, but their long-suffering fans may have to wait just a tad longer to see their heroes in action, after FA executives put a block on the club playing at home until a carpet of donkey droppings has been removed from the playing surface.

The Tangerines have already had their opening day home fixture against Wigan turned into an away game due to the delapidated state of the Bloomfield Road stadium, and have now been hit by this new FA directive.

The donkeys of the seaside resort's famous 'Golden Mile' - the long, sandy strip of beach where thousands of sun worshippers worship grey clouds every summer - have been allowed time off from ferrying delighted children up and down the Pleasure Beach, to graze on the pitch at Bloomfield Road in the close season, in a bid to add 'nutrients' to the turf.

The plan has backfired, however, leaving millions of 'donkey eggs' strewn hither and thither, and an almighty clean-up will now have to be organised if the ground is to be played upon before Christmas.

Chairman of the Blackpool supporters club, Len Grimsdyke, 6, told us:

"I suggested playing on the beach, because there is less chance of standing in a turd down there, and it might be a great leveller, but the board won't have it."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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