Written by Skoob1999
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Tuesday, 20 July 2010

image for Liverpool Sign Joe Cole - Cheryl In Talks
A Liverpool Cole Fire Yesterday

Liverpool boss Roy Hodgson completed his first signing in what is being looked upon as an extensive restructuring programme, when he secured a four year contract for out of contract midfielder Joe Cole.

Insiders say that the new kop boss has set his sights on all the Coles, as he aims to construct a Liverpool 'theme team.'

Owing to illness, Cheryl Cole is reported to be mulling over a contract, but is holding out on putting her name to a deal, and keeping a close eye on ex-hubby Ashley, who she apparently thinks isn't worth a wank.

Also on the Anfield shopping list are Natalie Cole, Nat King Cole, Old King Cole, former Manchester United striker Andy Cole, and novelist Martina Cole.

It is a widely held belief that having acquired all the Coles, the Reds will turn their attention to the Coals.

Anticipated targets are the Coal Man, The Coal Miner, The Coal Miner's Daughter, the Coal Scuttle, and The Coal Cellar.

A spokesman for Liverpool Football Club told us:

"Don't Cole us, we'll Coal you."

The club denied any interest whatsoever in coke, or any other type of fossil fuel. And definitely not Gary Neville.

More as we get it.


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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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