South Africa's Louis Oosthuizen won the British Open Golf Championship last night, as he romped to a seven-stroke victory over nearest rival Lee Westwood at St Andrews, but was later rushed to hospital after an accident in which a vuvuzela was inserted into his rectum by Tiger Woods.
The 27-year-old Oosthuizen, pronounced 'Vuvuzela', began the final round with a lead of four strokes over Paul Casey, and clinched his maiden major title with a composed display of front-running.
Oosthuizen was in celebratory mood, but after the award ceremony, there was a kerfuffle in the bar, and an ambulance was called to the Old Course, whereupon the champion was taken to hospital with, according to several eyewitnesses "a long object sticking out of his arse".
It was later revealed by doctors at the local St Andrews Hospital, that they had performed an intricate operation to extract a vuvuzela from his ringpiece. One doctor told us:
"It had been inserted with some force, and buried to the hilt."
Police are investigating the claim that the culprit may have been Tiger Woods, who has been feeling a bit 'under the weather' lately.