Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 16 July 2010

image for Tiger Woods Fart Stops Play In British Open Golf Championship
Rose undergoes treatment after being hit in the face by a Tiger Woods air biscuit

He's been troubled by flatulence in the past, and the old 'tummy rumbles' returned to haunt Tiger Woods once again today at the Open Championship at Royal St Andrews, with play being suspended due to 'excessive wind conditions'.

Woods, on 5 under par for the tournament, was striding purposefully down the 5th fairway when an almighty THWAAAAP left his trouser area and appeared to strike Justin Rose squarely in the face.

Rose, ever the professional, smiled to the gallery following the trio - Camilo Villegas being the third member of the group - but told his caddie to select a longer club for his next shot, and promptly sprayed it through the patio windows of a house adjoining the Old Course.

Jaw

Play was temporarily suspended in order for Rose to receive treatment, but he clearly looked in trouble, holding his jaw and his nose at the same time. Woods stood some distance away, and kept shaking his trouser leg as if he were trying desperately to diffuse gas.

Interviewed by the BBC's Peter Alliss later, Rose said:

"I heard what I thought was thunder, and was thrown backwards. It was only when I looked over to see Tiger smiling nervously, that I knew what had happened. He's a filthy bastard, both on and off the course."

Underpants

Woods left the course immediately play was halted, and took a taxi into the town where he visited a launderette to wash his underpants.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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